The Problem with Prayer

I think most of us are familiar with the expression, “When it rains, it pours”, and when that happens, it can be overwhelming. Truly, the unbearable beauty of life that I have written about in the past, is palpable in those times.

It just happened for me this afternoon. As a Pastoral Associate, I am often witness to a family’s heartbreaking times, when they are faced with mortality, and really come face to face with their thoughts about God. Today, I encountered three different families in that space in a mere two and a half hours of calls and visits.

The first family got a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis for their 35 year old mom of three.

Then I was on my way to a local nursing home to bring Communion to a once gregarious parishioner who is letting go of this life and making his way Home.

As I got in my car to leave the nursing home, I checked my text messages and found out that another parishioner’s mom who had just started receiving hospice care last weekend, had passed away.

That was a lot to take in in approximately 150 minutes. None of it directly impacted me and my everyday life, but there is something about loss after loss after loss that is just gutwrenching. None of us are exempt. We will all have the rug ripped out from under us at some point in life, and we never know when.

Before I left the nursing home parking lot this afternoon, I had to let my breath go through me slowly and deliberately, and then the tears flowed. How could they not?

How do you sit with people in one heartbreaking experience after another and NOT eventually be moved to tears yourself? While there is a certain value to being strong for others during such times; listening, and offering reassurance when appropriate, there is also value to letting them see that what breaks their heart breaks yours a bit, too.

I think God’s heart breaks with these families as well. God mourns when we mourn, and suffers when we suffer. Isn’t that why God became incarnate as Jesus? TO BE WITH US, TO ENTER INTO OUR EXPERIENCE, AND ULTIMATELY, TO OFFER US HOPE. The incarnation of Jesus was the ultimate act of empathy.

Frankly, these times are perhaps when I am aware of God the most. It is certainly in times like this that I recognize my need for God the most.

We put a lot of pressure on God to be exactly who we want or need God to be. We need God to fix our problems, answer our prayers, and basically, be accountable to us for everything that happens.

Our kids put this same kind of expectation on us, don’t they? They look to us to kiss the owies and make everything better, and as any seasoned parent knows, that’s just not possible all the time. We can’t fix everything, and neither can God.

We do God a disservice by treating God like a genie or magician in the sky. Lots of people call it quits on God when they don’t get what they asked for in prayer. But our love for and trust in God shouldn’t have conditions, i.e. “I didn’t get what I want, so I will stop communicating with God.”

We blame God for something that God never promised. God never promised us a pain-free life, or that our prayers would all be answered in exactly the way we expect.

This has actually tripped me up in prayer sometimes. Why keep praying for a specific outcome if there is a chance I won’t get it and I’m trying to be okay with that? If I’m not supposed to use God as a genie or magician, then why bring forward prayers that I hope will be answered in a specific way (translation: MY WAY)?

Maybe because it helps me practice love.

Prayer gets me outside of myself and more concerned with the welfare of someone else.

And prayer connects me to the Source that created me.

Even if I don’t get what I want, I am nurturing my relationship with God and going deeper with my experience of trust.

So let’s let God off the hook, and instead, pay attention to how God is present to us in our suffering and heartache.

We must rest in God. Not in outcomes.