The List

I spent three days last week chaperoning show choir camp with my almost 17 year old son and 85 other teenagers. (Talk about restful!!)

The camp gives the kids an opportunity to learn some of the initial vocals and choreography for their competition season, and also provides fun, unstructured time for a dip in the pool, shooting hoops, and the mayhem that is Gaga Ball, which is basically dodgeball in an enclosed space: who thought that up?

There were many memorable moments throughout the course of those three days, including the three legged race relay, the spot on moves to “We’re All in this Together” from High School Musical, and roasting s’mores around the campfire while the kids sang, “Take Me Home, Country Roads”.

But the most memorable part of the entire camp experience for me was the concluding exercise they did with a trainer who spent a good portion of a day doing team building activities with them. He gave all the kids a list of statements, and they had to check the box next to each one if it was true for them.

This list included:

*My parents are divorced.

*I have been bullied in person or on social media.

*I have cut myself or considered other forms of self harm.

*I have to work to help pay my family’s bills.

The kids did not put their name on the list. After they spent time checking off the statements that applied to them, the trainer had them move in multiple directions so that by the time he had shuffled them all around, they had no idea where theirs was in the circle of 85 teenagers.

Each statement was then read aloud, and if the list in front of you had that statement checked off, you stood up, representing the person who had originally it filled out.

The number of kids who stood up each time was humbling, and sometimes, astonishing. Over half the kids stood up for this statement:

*I worry about my grades and stress myself out with homework and studying for tests.

We moms exchanged looks as our hearts went out to them.

Even more kids stood up for the following:

*I take prescription medication for anxiety or depression.

Now we moms started wiping away the tears that we could no longer keep at bay.

Far and away, the statement that resulted in the most number of kids standing up was this one:

*I hate the way I look.

Needless to say, we moms had to muffle our sobs by this point.

This exercise was an eye opener. And a heartbreaker.

Doing this exercise together as a group as they move into a new school year highlights two things for them:

1. You never know what someone else is going through.

2. You are not alone.

There was never a statement made where only one person stood up. No matter what kind of shame or embarrassment someone was carrying around, they were not the only ones experiencing it. Multiple people stood up for every single statement on the list. I sure hope those kids breathed a sigh of relief at some point as they recognized, “Wow! I’m not the only one.”

The world is pretty polarizing and tense these days. What a gift we could give one another if we chose to be kind instead of condemning.

The truth is, we don’t know what someone else is going through. So why not take the time to find out and lessen someone else’s burden, and perhaps, even your own?

Say hello.

Smile.

Ask, “How are you?” and then actually LISTEN to the answer.

Make a phone call.

Send a card.

Sit with someone who is alone.

We are all maneuvering our way through this world as best we know how. Let’s try to make it a little easier on each other.