Last week, I shared the story with you of Reverend Nancy, who taught me many things, and in particular, how to bear the cross of suffering. Writing about her reminded me of something I read not long ago about suffering being God’s entry point.
This is really true. I mean, think about it. When life is going along smoothly and all is well, we might give thanks to God, but without a doubt, the difficult times in our lives are (or can be) opportunities for tremendous growth and connection with God.
The events of September 11, 2001 sure got my rear end back to church, and I think the same is true of many others as well. That scope of loss and pain brings us face to face with questions that we don’t ponder too often in our daily lives. Those questions brought me into fervent conversation with God like never before.
When my son was in 5th grade, he was sick with a nagging cough that we couldn’t get to the root of for nearly two months. It was miserable. Night time was the worst. He would lay down to try to go to sleep, and then cough for as long as 3 or 4 hours. One night, I had to go to the basement to sleep, because I couldn’t bear listening to him cough in the room right next to ours. As I flung myself under those blankets, I let God have it! In an enraged stage whisper, I cursed God for not answering my prayers to give this child some relief. And then once all the rage was gone, I dissolved into tears in what I could only hope was God’s loving embrace.
The delicate balance of menopause and marriage has also been an entry point for God’s presence in my life. Menopause can sometimes make me feel like I don’t even recognize myself. The fatigue and irritability are like another layer of clothing I wear, and they can weigh me down, almost to the point where I can’t even move anymore. I often times found myself lashing out at my husband and then I’d get in the car to go somewhere and as I drove, I would beg God to help me understand myself, and feel in control of my emotions again.
I’m not sure how I would have gotten through any of these situations without laying it all at God’s feet and saying, “Here I am, in all my messiness and imperfection. Please give me what I need to keep going.”
In those moments, when we are reaching out to God, desperately trying to understand, or begging for what we need, there are some pointed, heartfelt questions asked. I am learning over the years that the types of questions we ask make all the difference.
When we are in pain, the go-to question for us all is “WHY?” We have a need to understand and make sense of awful situations that are beyond our control. (Not that understanding would change our feelings about what we’re living through.) The trouble with “Why?” is that there is never an answer good enough to ease the heartache we are experiencing. No answer is going to make us feel better, so perhaps we need to change our questions.
This lesson was driven home for me a few years ago when a family at our church lost their 20 year old son in a drowning accident. The church was packed with mourners for his funeral, and I felt for the priest as he stepped up to deliver the homily. What a huge responsibility he was carrying, trying to offer words of comfort in the most despairing circumstance imaginable. God bless him, he said something I’ll never forget.
He acknowledged that our natural inclination at a time like that was to ask God why. He challenged us to change the question from “Why?” to “What now?”
I am sure this boy’s parents will be the first to say that the journey from why to what now is not a smooth, straight line, but that it is indeed, a journey worth making. In honor of their precious son, they have established memorial scholarships, conducted toy drives for kids at Christmas, and modeled random acts of kindness that inspire the rest of us to follow suit. Last I heard, they also mentor other grieving parents in a support group that gave them hope when they needed it most. Of course, they will always miss their son, and there may be a part of them that always wonders why, but they chose to put the focus on what now? and that has kept them moving forward.
So the next time difficulties, pain, and suffering make their presence known in my life, I will do my best to hold on to God as my heart breaks open, and ask the right questions.
We can’t escape suffering, so when our turn comes, we would be wise to look for how God is present, and then let God enter.
I invite you to write your thoughts in the comments below and share a time when you recognized God's presence amidst your suffering!
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