The Holy Spirit never fails to knock my socks off! Just when I think I have a plan in place and everything is figured out, the Holy Spirit swoops in and does Her thing.
Take this week for example. I had been making notes for a couple days about what I wanted to write in this week’s post, and then got completely bowled over by something unexpected, couldn’t shake it loose, and am thus, compelled to write about it.
I am two chapters from the end of a book called “Accidental Saints” by Nadia Bolz-Weber, a Lutheran pastor who is refreshingly honest about the challenges of being human, and is brave enough to own up to her mistakes. She makes me laugh out loud as I finish one paragraph, only to wipe a tear from my eye at the end of the next.
A lot of her work jumps out at me and gives me pause, and here’s the insight that changed the whole trajectory of this week’s post for me. Nadia asks:
“HOW IS IT THAT JUDAS, WHO BETRAYED JESUS ONCE AND WAS FILLED WITH REMORSE, BECAME THE VILLAIN, WHILE PETER, WHO DENIED JESUS THREE TIMES AND WEPT BITTERLY, BECAME THE ROCK ON WHICH THE CHURCH WAS BUILT?”
I never thought of this before. EVER. Judas has always been the bad guy in my mind, and yet, he showed remorse just as Peter did. So why were their outcomes so different?
Nadia suggests it’s because “in Judas’ ears, there never was placed a word of grace.”
Ouch. This got me thinking about the times I perhaps could have offered hope to someone, but instead, felt it was more important to respond with what they “deserved”.
Can’t we all identify with Judas? We’ve all done selfish things that we later regret, and when grace is extended our way, it’s the biggest relief in the world. We know we don’t deserve it, and hopefully, we are supremely grateful to receive such a gift.
I have certainly experienced this. When I was in 7th grade and going through one of a couple rebel stages, I was the biggest liar on the planet. My poor parents reached a point where they struggled to believe a single word that came out of my mouth. Every time I would get to the end of one period of being grounded, I’d get caught in a lie again, and another week would be tacked on. Rebuilding trust was a lengthy, jagged process.
But without fail, every time I apologized, my mom would say, “I don’t love what you DID, but I always love YOU.” That’s HUGE!!! Imagine how completely worthless and ashamed she could have made me feel. She had every right to. But instead, she placed a word of grace in my ear.
I have tried to be mindful of extending that same grace to my own kids. When a bad choice my son made in sixth grade was discovered, I was angry and shocked and was very tempted to make him feel worse than he already did. But I recalled how my parents dealt with me at that age, and knew THAT was the lesson I wanted to pass on instead of multiplying his guilt and embarrassment. His prized possessions were taken away for a time, and he had to write an extensive number of the same sentence that encapsulated his remorse, but he knew he was loved. We didn’t withhold hugs and kisses and conversation. We learned together how to bring good out of the situation. We placed a word of grace in his ear.
In reflecting on the importance of extending grace to others, I think it is worth mentioning the value of extending grace to ourselves as well. I was reminded of this last year when my husband was dealing with some health issues that came to a head in the spring and summer. By the time we got to the root of what was going on with him in mid-July, and got him some relief, I was beating myself up over the way I had treated him from time to time when we were struggling to figure out the source of his pain. I was telling a dear friend of mine about the times I had been impatient with him or rolled my eyes behind his back, when she reminded me, “Kris, give yourself grace. It’s hard to care for someone who is sick, and some days, you do better than others.”
I heaved a sigh of relief. While I would try to do better, it was tremendously comforting to know that my less stellar moments did not determine who I was. My friend placed a word of grace in my ear.
When I look back on these scenarios, I realize that we all have the power to make the people in our lives feel like either Judas or Peter. Do I want to dangle someone’s regret in front of their face and make them feel even worse about it, or do I want to acknowledge that while they screwed up, all is not lost?
I have been so grateful for the times that someone placed a word of grace in my ear.
The least I can do is pass that gift on to someone else.
I hope you will, too.
Comentários